Spaceballs: THE REALLY LONG TITLE
by Mr. Unknown
Summary: I'm basically making fun of Star Wars Episode 1, 2, and 3 in this. Oh, by the way, it doesn't really have its own plot, its just making fun of the movies.
1. Chapter 1

SPACEBALLS

The Really Long Title

**_The planet known as Spaceballs, well, they're not really a planet yet, um, they're basically just a base right now. Wait, I'm getting a message, yes, Spaceballs is a planet. Well, anyways, they have the leader Darth Spitious. He has a plan to kidnap Queen Hormone of Taboo. Well, is all we got? No, don't leave; there are some really hot girls in this story. Maybe you'd like to see them. Ok, fine, well, the great Schwartz Master Jinni and his apprentice I-Am-The-One are going to Spaceball's main base to kick some butt. What, you're not allowed to say butt? What kind of intro is this? Oh, well, it's too late to take that out. Ok, well, they want to make sure that Spaceballs will not do this plan they plan. Well, if you want to leave the theater. This movie is crappy and has stupid effects. What? Oh great, now I'm fired for talking bad about the movie. Oh, by the way, if you can hear me, it's not me; it's a voice in your head. They call themselves consciences, but they suck, one told me to go after a hooker, and I got arrested. Well, if you can smell this screen, it's not the screen; it's the popcorn next to you. I still can't believe you're seeing this movie._**


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 1

Jinni flew his ship through space. He named his ship the Schwartzberg. He was supposed to stop at Spaceballs planet to make sure they weren't going to kidnap Princess Hormone, but his ship was running out of gas, he'd need to make a stop at Spaceball's giant base/gas station. Jinni picked up his cell phone dialing the number to the leader of Spaceballs leader, the Viceroy. The viceroy picked up the phone.

"Hey, Viceroy, we still on for those hookers tonight?" Jinni asked.

"Yes, of course. How could I forget about that, but I really think you want to stop for some gas," the Viceroy said.

"Man, you're right, can you read minds?" Jinni asked.

"Yes, of course," the Viceroy answered.

Stop! Ok, I'm the narrator, and I've got a few questions, the Viceroy always answers his questions with yes of course. It's annoying. And another thing, who writes this stuff? Ok, back to the movie.

"WOW! This is like a break through, well, I'll be there for gas in a few minutes," Jinni said hanging up. Jinni flew to Spaceballs landing his ship. I-Am-The-One got out of the ship along with Jinni. They walked in to pay their bill for the gas. They were inside when they heard something strange. It was a moaning sound. Jinni and I-Am-The-One followed the sound. They opened a door to find the Vice Viceroy under the sheets with a lady.

"Oh Vice Viceroy getting some action," I-Am-The-One said.

Vice Viceroy looked totally embarrassed. Jinni made his way over to the screens at the other side of the room.

"What's this?" Jinni asked unfolding a small piece of paper.

One Hour Later

Jinni had just gotten done unfolding the paper, it was huge.

"You don't need to see that," Vice Viceroy said getting up.

"What the crap. You guys are planning on invading us and kidnapping Queen Hormone. That's the last straw. We're sewing you. And I'm going to punish you, please roll over," Jinni said. Vice Viceroy obeyed. Jinni put a ring on, and a blast of green laser shot out going to Vice Viceroy's butt that was under the sheets.

"Owwwwwwwwwww. You can't just stick things in there," Vice Viceroy said. Jinni stopped running out of the room with I-Am-The-One.

"I think we should investigate some more," I-Am-The-One said.

"Gee, you think. That's the first thing you've said in the whole movie, and you say something stupid. Now what do you think the audience is going to think of you. "I think we should investigate some more." You're not that smart. I have no idea why I took you as my apprentice. You're so dang stupid," Jinni mocked.

"I."

"Stupid," Jinni said interrupting I-Am-The-One. I-Am-The-One fell silent. They both ran down to the main quarters. He saw the viceroy.

"You! The hooker party is cancelled. You are planning on capturing Queen Hormone," Jinni said. Viceroy bursted out laughing. "Was something I said?" Jinni asked.

"Yeah. Queen Hormone. That's too hilarious. The way you said it also. It's like you're a wussy. Queen Hormone," Viceroy mocked.

"Shut up. You die in the end of the movie, so I wouldn't be laughing if I were you," Jinni said.

"You die in a third of the movie," Viceroy laughed.

"Why you little," Jinni said igniting his ring to the Schwartz. He sliced through Viceroy. Viceroy fell down screaming. "Whoops. I-Am-The-One did it. I'm telling you," Jinni said pointing at I-Am-The-One. I-Am-The-One shot Jinni a look. Vice Viceroy ran in.

"Since Viceroy's dead. I'm the new Viceroy. So you two freeze, and call me Viceroy instead of Vice Viceroy now," Vice Viceroy said.

"I don't know. You don't look like a Viceroy to me," Jinni said. I-Am-The-One had a serious look on his face.

"Well I am the new Viceroy," Vice Viceroy (after this, I'm calling him Viceroy) said.

"So you're the new leader of Spaceballs?" Jinni asked.

"Yes," Viceroy said smiling.

"That's it, that's it. Spaceballs is going to the dumps," Jinni said.

"Quiet, you're gonna get us both killed," I-Am-The-One said.

"What you say. You're not allowed to talk back to me; I'm your Schwartz Master. You obey me. You're grounded man. You can't be in the movie anymore until the part where we find that stupid Gungan," Jinni said. I-Am-The-One walked off the set. "Now where were we?" Jinni asked.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 2

Jinni stood there. He was smiling.

"What are you smiling about?" Viceroy asked.

"Oh, I don't know. I just got a good feeling," Jinni said putting his ring up in front of between his legs. It ignited. He swung it forward kicking a man. He flipped up in the air doing thousands of flips. He wouldn't stop doing them.

"Show off," Viceroy said. Jinni landed. Viceroy took out a Schwartz and ignited it.

"Ha ha. Mine's bigger than yours," Jinni said. "You're not supposed to have one anyways," Jinni said. They struck each other's Schwartz. Jinni took out his anger on Viceroy.

Wait again. Jinni's a good guy; he's not supposed to have anger. Well, back to the movie.

Jinni kicked him back. He brought it up bringing it down. Viceroy blocked it. Jinni blocked a blow, and ran.

"What? You're not supposed to run, the bad guy always does that," Viceroy said.

Jinni ran through a series of hallways. He found a ship that was taking off. A bad guy held open a door.

"Come on," he yelled. Jinni jumped in.

"Man, you're not supposed to help me," Jinni said.

"I'm not?" he questioned.

"No, look," he said taking out a big book entitled The Script to Spaceballs. He opened it pointing to the part in the script. "You see, you're supposed to try and stop me," Jinni said.

"Oh, sorry," the guy said.

"Great, now you screwed up the script. Well, I guess I'm going to have to kill you," Jinni said putting his hand on his shoulder.

"Yeah. Wait what?" the guy said as Jinni threw him out the door. He closed it. He sat down in a chair waiting for the landing. Jinni looked at his watch.

"Come on, we don't have forever," Jinni said. They landed all the sudden. "It's about time," he said.

He opened the door running out. He saw a gungan standing there. Jinni ran up to him.

"Ok, come on, to the side of the set now," Jinni said taking him into the woods. "Danget, now we have this annoying guy. Ok I-Am-The-One, you can come back now," Jinni said. I-Am-The-One walked onto the set.

"Ok, let's skip going to your stupid city, and just go straight to the Queen," I-Am-The-One said.

"First thing you've said that makes good sense," Jinni said.

"But it's in the script that we go to the city," the gungan (Bar-bar) said.

"Screw the script, I killed a guy I wasn't supposed to," Jinni said.

"You did?" I-Am-The-One asked.

"Yeah," Jinni said.

"Well, we have to do something," he said.

"Look, you're not even following the script; you're supposed to have a speech impediment," Jinni said.

"Oh well, that's not as a big as a deal as skipping a scene," Jar-Jar argued.

"Shut up, that scene's boring anyways," Jinni replied.

"Well we need to do something with that scene," Jar-Jar replied.

"Fine," I-Am-The-One replied. He took out a bazooka from his pants. He put it in the lake aiming it down to the underwater city. I-Am-The-One pulled the trigger. A missile shot down into the city.

"What? The gungans are going to be ticked," he said.

"Oh they'll get over it," Jinni said sticking up for I-Am-The-One. They walked away.

"Wait! I-Am-The-One, you idiot, we have to get to Queen Hormone. The gungans were supposed to give us a ride," Jinni realized. I-Am-The-One ignored this. They walked all the way to the palace. It was about 12 miles. They were at the palace. Some robots with guns walked up.

"Are you guys ok?" the robot asked.

"We are, I'm not so sure about him," Jinni said pointing to Jar-Jar.

"Here, give him this, it'll help him," the robot said handing him a thing of pills. Jinni slipped some into his mouth. He got up.

"I had the most horrible dream, I was being dragged by two Schwartz Masters, oh crap, it wasn't a dream," Jar-Jar said.

"Oh, thanks, but I-Am-The-One is still a Padawan," Jinni said buffing out his chest.

"What's an apprentice?" Jar-Jar asked.

"It means he doesn't know jack about the Schwartz," Jinni replied. I-Am-The-One shot Jinni a look.

"Ok, are you sure your ok?" the robot asked.

"Yeah," I-Am-The-One replied.

"You sure?" the robot asked.

"Yes," Jinni replied.

"Good. You're under arrest," the robot said.

"Oh, huh. Well, could we fight back?" Jinni asked.

"No," the robot replied.

"Oh, now that's just plain unfair," Jinni said igniting his Schwartz. I-Am-The-One did so also. They were about to bring down a blow on the robot when he dodged it. He slammed Jinni up against a wall kicking I-Am-The-One back. Jar-Jar grabbed Jinni's ring igniting it. He sliced through the robot in a second. 100 others came. Jar-Jar sliced through all of them. Jinni went up to a robot.

"I may not have my ring, but I can still fist fight you," he said starting to slap his hands around in circles like a girl would fight.

"Cat fight," I-Am-The-One said. I-Am-The-One stood around the cat fight with all the other robots. Jar-Jar all the sudden came in slicing through all of them. They were all dead. Jinni looked like he had gotten out of the battle of a life time.

"I-Am-The-One, next time, have better form, you sucked monkey balls in this battle, and Jar-Jar, next time you can help, and not just stand there like an idiot," Jinni said taking his ring back. They both shot him looks walking inside. "Wait up," Jinni said chasing after them.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 3

Jinni walked down the hallway with I-Am-The-One and Jar-Jar following him. He saw Queen Hormone on her throne making out with the Vice Viceroy.

"How'd you get here so fast?" Jinni asked.

"Oh, well we have fast ships. And I'm fast with hot girls," he said looking at Queen Hormone. She smiled.

"Get a room," I-Am-The-One said.

"You're a traitor. You're with Spaceballs? I don't like you. I think you're a bad Queen. You're 14, and are you even a virgin?" Jinni asked.

"No, in fact. People I have an announcement to make. I'm pregnant with a little princess," Queen Hormone said.

"Oh, now that's sick. We need a new Queen Hormone out here," Jinni yelled. A crew man came out with an ugly teenager and replacing her with the first Queen Hormone. "Now this one's too ugly. Come on!" Jinni said. They came back out replacing her again. "Now this one's just right. In fact, I might want to screw this one," Jinni said.

"Hey! She's for Anakin when we find him," Jar-Jar said.

"Oh, come on," Jinni said. He started heading for her unbuckling his belt. He took her hand shoving it down his pants. He looked like he was in Heaven. The queen was smiling.

"I don't know about that Anakin. He's supposed to have a small inheritance. Jinni's is huge," she said. Jinni smiled acting like he was a king.

"You hear that? She thinks I've got a huge ," Jinni said. "Wait. They just bleeped out what I said. That sucks. What I can't say ? What about ? No! What the ? That's horse . Saying naughty things is one of my main origins. Like how she's giving me a job right now. But I wish she was giving me a job instead. Man we're bleeping out way to many things!" Jinni yelled.

"Jinni! Come on, we've got to go," I-Am-The-One said.

"I don't know. This job's pretty awesome," Jinni said. I-Am-The-One grabbed Jinni pulling him away.

"What's wrong I-Am-The-One? You want a hand job too?" Queen Hormone asked.

"Heck yes," I-Am-The-One said.

"Wait. 2 things I have to say. First, they didn't bleep out when Queen Hormone said job. Oh, you bleep me out again," Jinni said.

"That's because no one likes you, and Queen Hormone's hot," I-Am-The-One replied.

"Are you saying I'm ugly?" Jinni asked.

"Yes!" I-Am-The-One replied.

"Well SHUT UP! And anyways, you're too young to get a job. YOU BLEEPED IT OUT AGAIN! HORSE ," Jinni said. I-Am-The-One shot him another look. Jinni grabbed Queen Hormone taking her outside. I-Am-The-One and Jar-Jar followed.


End file.
